Redemption after Failure. His and Mine.
Two lessons from the same case mentioned before from my misuse of a Bougie after he mistakenly misused the Bougie as well.
Instead of correcting his and my mistake we failed.
I failed. I knew my mistake.
But after failure and the sats stayed above 90%, I could have intubated again and allowed my resident to watch.
I didn't call for Anesthesia.
Didn't need to.
I had my intubating LMA like device.
I had my 6.0 endotracheal tube, with bougie and scalpel ready.
He asked for REDEMPTION.
I gave it to him.
Maybe today wasn't my day.
I felt a fever spike, my body weakned but never told anyone as I coughed and cleared my nasal congestion.
I allowed my resident to try again.
And went back to old school, Used a stylet and got the tube in with some difficulty.
I could have jealous and angry at myself for failing. 3rd time in 14 years. Yuck. Suck. Buck. Fuck.
I confessed my Failure after my first intubation of a live patient in perhaps 6 months. I taught them well so many times my students. I have taught them so well to get in on first pass success. So I have to wait for failed attempts by my resident on my patients or other attending's failed intubations of their patients.
I had been excited to get the tube in but I had failed.
Watched proudly as my resident got it on his 2nd attempt.
The Hello moment should have been to reminded to him. And should have been reminded by me.
Stick to those things already taught. I went beyond that and tried something on a live patient without having practiced at all ever on simulated manikins.